Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
