How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
