You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
