Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
