That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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