You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
