Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
