Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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