There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're a waste of cheezeits
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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