When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize