My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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