I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
