mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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