super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were trust falling into bushes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
