I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
