I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
