If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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