I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
