Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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