I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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