I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
