To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
