She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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