Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
