So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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