Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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