she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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