I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Randomize
