I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
