Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And then my night got REAL pukey
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
