ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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