I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
