The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
