I think my fart just growled at me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
