Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
