Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
