Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
