Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
