So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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