You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
