I think i peed on brittanys purse
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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