bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
