I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
