my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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