That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
