Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
