Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
