he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
