We're facebook friends in real life
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
