He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
