i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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