I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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