Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
