UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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