I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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