I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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