Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i've created a new STD.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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