I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
