I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
