It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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