I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
