I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
