foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
