Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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