yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
