i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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