dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
