Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
