This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
