My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
