I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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