my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Randomize
